Rejection

Well, I didn't get the promotion that I interviewed for on Oct 5.  I'd like to say it was a complete surprise, but alas, it was not.  In the last week or so, I've become increasingly skeptical of my chances of success...although I can't really point to a specific reason or event that brought me to that conclusion.  As I sat in the Director's office and was given my feedback, I saw this in a long line of successive losses and setbacks.

In the last year and a half or so: I've divorced, lost two grandparents, lost my father, had several relationships fail pretty quickly, had to distance myself from people I care about deeply, and my friends in Denver turned on me severely after I got home for reasons beyond my comprehension.  It feels like anything I'm really interested in is just beyond my grasp.  My heart feels calloused, yet I feel like weeping on a regular basis.  I am a man of mixed emotion.

One of the pieces of feedback I was given was that I build great professional relationships, but I don't have much of a personal relationship with leaders at the center.  That surprised me at first, but the more I think about it the more it makes sense.  At home, I struggle with sadness and the quietness that often surrounds me.  I don't want to drag that to work with me.  Work is the place I go to be among people that care about me and a place I am appreciated.  Coupled with the fact I work late and am off for two days during the week and, well, I guess folks don't have a sense of who I am.  The Director called me a 'best kept secret'.  My shift changes to 6-3 Monday thru Friday in December, so that dilemma will solve itself partially.

Sorry to whoever reads this.  I feel like it's one long complaining session.  I'm healthy.  I have family.  I have friends.  I have a stable job.  I have a lot to be thankful for.  My reaction to this is just as important as anything else, and I'm not going to do anyone any favors by crossing my arms and grousing about it.

Plane Ride

It seems like I hardly sit down to write about my world anymore unless I’m either A) someplace new or B) stuck with nothing else to do.  I am sitting in a chair in the sky en route to Chicago for my employer’s annual Culture Survey meeting.  Every leader in the company flies up to learn how we’re doing and what our game plan is for the next year.  It’s a great time to reconnect with people I don’t see that often.

I thrive in a social environment.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  I can feel very alone and isolated in a crowd, but if I know at least one person I am usually able to use that to catapult myself to a level of comfort and outgoingness and I have a wonderful time.  An event like this is highly enjoyable for me.  I have no problem approaching someone like the CEO of our company and talking for a few minutes.  Even on this flight, Senator Tom Coburn is sitting two seats in front of me.  If I wasn’t surrounded by coworkers (and a few folks above me) I’d really enjoy talking to him and gaining a greater understanding of the political system from his perspective, knowing how vastly different he views many social policies.  But, rather than stir up anything, I just sit quietly and type.

It’s places like this I’m once again struck by the American idea that mass transit means not talking.  One of the little cultural things I picked up on when I returned home from traveling was that people on planes, trains, and buses rarely talk to one another here.  Even on this flight, where the vast majority of the passengers are U.S. Cellular peers, people aren’t talking.  Silence is contagious.

Although I don’t think I’m going to have the time to see downtown, it’ll be nice to be traveling again.  Even on business, I am always excited to board a plane and set down in a new place.  This will be my second time in Chicago for this event and I expect it to be no less exciting than last year.  Though I did catch myself saying ‘at the Con’ when referring to this trip to a friend.  It won’t be nearly THAT exciting.

The drink cart is coming; time for my ritualistic ginger ale.  Maybe I’ll try to strike up a conversation with my neighbor again.  The airline magazine can’t be THAT interesting, after all…

Titanic

It's popular to hate the Titanic.  Not the ship itself or the historical account of the disaster on April 14, 1912...but the 1997 Hollywood epic motion picture.  So popular, in fact, that it's not a film I often quote when talking about my favorite movies because I know it's inviting a conversation of defense.  However, I am indeed a big fan of the picture, and there are many reasons why.

Whenever folks think about Titanic, most people think of the romantic story between Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet.  It's a familiar construct that recalls the star-crossed story of Romeo and Juliet.  I'm not a big romantic movie fan; although I do enjoy many aspects of that piece of the film, it's not the big draw for me.  The big draw for me are all of the supporting characters, the ones that really existed in history, and the character of the ship itself.

I became fascinated by the Titanic maritime disaster when I first learned about it, which had to be around 1995.  I wrote papers and did my own studying before the Internet existed as it does today.  An adventure game was released for the computer in '96 and I devoured it.  I loved seeing the settings I'd read about and seen in the classic '50s films in fully-realized computer graphics.  I got to interact with the environment and have a part in a story that carried the foreshadowing of knowing how the story ended, but not how we got there.

The film, of course, took those emotions and my sense of wonderment to a completely new level.  I knew how historically accurate the sets were because I knew what the ship had looked like.  I knew the names of the players and, of course, I knew the ship sank.  But that's not the point of this movie.  It's knowing the ship is going to sink and having that color the story beforehand.  It's also a commentary on the social class structure of the time and a look at the world before the horrors of the first World War reached out and changed everything.

I understand why some folks don't like the movie.  That's perfectly fine; I totally get it.  But right now, I'm curled up on my couch with a cup of coffee while the new Blu-Ray plays in the background.  It's a great way to spend a cold Saturday morning.  Even if my eyes water a little just at the special features...

The Passage of Time

Last time I sat down and shared my thoughts, I was on the high that only Dragon*Con can provide.  Walking in the parade and enjoying 50k+ passionate fans of all sides of pop culture.  It was a good time this year, as it has been the last two years.  Less than a week after I got home, my grandmother Mary-Ann passed away.

Grandma had been ill for a long time.  I don't know how many calls or messages I've received in the past two years that have been some variation of 'This might be it.'  When the message came in on Monday the 10th of September, something about it was different.  You can't send inflection over a text message, but it read differently somehow.  I drove up to Bartlesville after work to support my Mom and brother.  I hadn't seen anyone from that side of my family in a long time, aside from brief visits with Mom.

Truth be told, I don't feel like I have a lot in common with that side of the family.  The Grim clan is a family of blue collar workers; mechanics, welders, and such.  They enjoy hunting and fishing.  And there exists drama that I want no part of.  But they are still family, and seeing my relatives after such a long hiatus did carry some nostalgia.  I stayed up there for a few hours, visiting and doing what I could for Mom.  Grandma had slipped into a coma and we were all just essentially waiting.  She passed a little after midnight.

Mary was ready.  She let me know in our last conversation that she was ready and didn't know why she was still here.  I don't know if I can think of something more wrenching.  As often happens when faced with mortality, I thought of my own life.  What am I doing?  Where am I going?  Time doesn't last forever.  It passes by whether or not we're happy, or productive, or cognizant of it.  It's easy for me to reflect and think on past mistakes or injustices and dwell on things I cannot change.  But that's not doing anyone any favors.

I didn't expect to sit down and share in this direction but I suppose that's what I get when I wake up all grumbly.  I went out to a movie last night with friends and had a great time...the flip side to a fun and eventful evening is awakening the next morning to quiet and calm.  It tends to depress me a little these days.  But I just had breakfast, and I have my coffee, and the weekend is free to make my own choices.  So I'll put my shoes on and see what I can find.

Dragon*Con 2012 - Walking the Parade

One of the things that excited me most about Dragon*Con this year was the fact that I was going to be in the parade.  It happened in a rather slapdash fashion:  someone on Reddit posted they had a Back to the Future group that had dropped out and his DeLorean needed some company.  I make a yelping noise at my keyboard and immediately messaged the guy to say I was interested.  A few week later, I found myself walking towards Woodruff Park in downtown Atlanta for setup.



After wandering the grounds for a few minutes, snapping a few pictures of the other cars in the parade, I found the DeLorean and met up with the owner, Buddy, and his girlfriend Courtney.  He proudly showed me his car and I eagerly took some pictures.  Admittedly, Buddy's DeLorean is the very definition of a project car.  He bought it for a few thousand dollars and was building it a piece at a time.  I tried not to feel spoiled by my friend Gary's perfect car and appreciated the car for what it was: a lovingly crafted fan recreation of the greatest car in film history.

Three more parade walkers arrived shortly after I did.  Brandon, another Marty with a hoverboard, was actually my inspiration for my costume.  He's been Marty every year I've been to D*C and my friend DeeDee even snapped a pic of him in the same getup at ComicCon this year.  Two other Redditors were in the middle of their first Con and came in last-minute George McFly and Biff costumes.  They also brought candy to give out to kids, which was a wonderful touch.  Great people, all around, and soon it was time to get going.

Buddy told us shortly before the go sign that the car almost overheated on the way to the parade route.  He said it should be fine and someone cracked a joke about having to push it like last year.  I worried for a moment about what would happen of the DeLorean broke down in notorious fashion in the middle of the parade, but then realized A) it's not my car and B) we would all have a great time anyway.  The group in front of us moved forward and Buddy went to start the car.  It wouldn't start.

Buddy immediately hopped up and popped the hood; evidently, there was a cable that would come loose pretty regularly.  D*C Parade Management started yelling at us that we had to move NOW or we were out.  More scrambling and Buddy went to start;  still no joy.  We decided to give it a push, assisted by an Admiral Adama, and the car finally turned over.  The parade attendees nearby let out a raucous cheer for our success as we rolled forward.  The officials were very clear that we needed to leave the parade if the car wasn't up to it; Buddy ensured them everything was fine now.

As we turned the corner onto the main road, I was floored by the sheer amount of people.  I was walking to the front-right of the car and everyone else was behind the vehicle.  I had a birds-eye view of folks and heard their cries of 'Marty!' 'Wow, Back to the Future!' 'Is that a real DeLorean?' 'Hey McFly!' and so on.  Pictures were constantly being snapped;  I smiled, waved, and showed what a wonderful time I was having.  Every so often, I'd turn back and check on everyone else.  The radiator was dripping a little, but the car seemed to be doing okay.  Halfway through the parade, that changed.

Suddenly, the entire radiator dumped on the street and the engine started to smoke; Buddy turned off the motor.  Thankfully, we were on a downhill and coasted rather effortlessly.  Still, there were a few moments where Buddy had to restart the car to get some momentum.  When that happened, the starter screeched and it was obvious the car was having problems.  However, in true D*C fashion, as soon as it turned over, the whole crowd cheered in celebration.  As we got to the end of the route, Buddy sped off down the street to get the car someplace safe.  I laughed with my new friends and proceeded to enjoy a busy day at the Con.

It was a wonderful experience.  I hope I get to do it again next year!

Farewell to the Queen City of the Plains

Today is my last day in Denver.  It's been a wonderful trip and I have no reservations in saying this was a fantastic vacation destination.  Not only did I get to see a lot of amazing sights, but got to know two friends a bit better and we shared a lot with each other.  I also got to see an old friend that I haven't seen in about a decade!

On Monday, I drove up to a small town named Longmont to see my friend Tanya.  She and I worked together at my first call center in Topeka, KS back in 2000/2001.  It's amazing how so much time changes some things drastically while other things remain completely static.  When I think back on myself at the turn of the century I see a kid with unkempt hair, poor fashion sense, and zero self confidence.  As we talked about what events shaped our lives since we last sat down together, I took a moment to appreciate how far I've come.


During our late-night diner conversation, Tanya mentioned I should go take a look at the 16th Street Mall in Denver.  It's a giant outdoor shopping pavilion right in the heart of the downtown district and, though I wasn't keen on packing my suitcase with MORE stuff, drove down yesterday to look at a few of the stores that we don't have back in Tulsa and do some people watching.

Once I was satisfied with my visit, I drove down Colfax Avenue and finally got some pictures of a building we'd passed by a few times that really called to my camera:  The Bluebird Theater.  The Bluebird was built in 1913 and was originally a movie house.  It was converted to a concert venue in 1994.  Although I wasn't in a place where I could purchase tickets and see the show, I was still pleased to take a few minutes and capture the marquee.

Today, I have no plans and am using my time to rest up for the whirlwind that is Dragon*Con.  I fly out tomorrow and will be greeted in Atlanta by my friend Rose.  I met Rose the first year I came to D*C (2010) and I am thankful for her generosity.  I will be in downtown ATL until Labor Day, enjoying the festivities and sharing in the passions of thousands of fans from all sides of pop culture along with five of my good friends from home.  It's gonna be great!

Climbing in Colorado

Sunday started with one of the worst hangovers I've ever had.  I awoke with the sun and thought my head was collapsing from within.  Thankfully, things began to clear up as Kurt returned from the airport and the three of us set out for a trio of destinations.

Our first stop was the Red Rocks Park and Amphitheater.  I'd heard about the place before but didn't really know what it looked like; when we arrived, I was awed.  Think of the jagged rocks in the old Star Trek episodes and place an amazing concert venue among them.  In the distance, the city of Denver exists as a faded matte painting.  Kurt told me of a Rush concert he attended at the venue back in the early 2000s that was punctuated by a vibrant thunderstorm over the Denver Metro.  I can only imagine the beauty.  As we walked around the amphitheater, I noticed over a dozen people running and stair climbing; evidently this concert hall doubled as a scenic exercise destination.

In fact, throughout my time in Colorado I've noticed a lot of people biking, running, and engaging in other forms of exercise.  Kurt and Sophie mentioned that Colorado has the lowest obesity rate in the country at about 20%.  I also noticed a lot of scooters on the roads.  I think most folks see Colorado as a pretty green state; not only does that count towards the environmentally-friendly nature of the majority of the populace but the dispensaries located on just about every street corner.  Back in 2005, Denver passed the Alcohol-Marijuana Equalization Initiative, which legalized possession in a variety of situations.  There are a lot of mellow people up here.

After Red Rocks, we drove to Golden, CO to visit the Mother Cabrini shrine.  Unbeknownst to me, the  shrine was atop 374 steps.  Coupled with the high altitude, I had to take a break midway through the climb and reached the top just as I felt I was going to collapse.  It was a beautiful view and, since it was Sunday, there were a lot of pilgrims there visiting and worshiping.  When we got back to the car, we headed to St. Mary's Glacier.

Located in the Arapaho National Forest, the remnants of the ice field is located 10,300 feet above sea level...the last 3/4 mile a hike up a rocky trail.  It would've been rough on my by itself, but after the stair climb at the shrine I had to take several breaks.  As we crested the plateau that held the remnants of the retreating glacier, I felt like I was transported to another world.  The small lake was clear and crisp.  The air was clean and cool.  I marveled at the sight and closed my eyes.  I could hear running water from the melting ice across the lake and the sound of a nearby dog simultaneously splashing and drinking in the water.  I walked over to the water and dipped my hands in.  It felt like holy water.  It was one of the most serene spots I've ever visited.

We celebrated our long and physically exerting day by stopping by the Tommyknockers brewery in Idaho Springs.  We had some fantastic local brews and headed back to Denver, capping the day with homemade pizza, which incidentally was the best pizza I've ever eaten, and talking boxing with Kurt into the wee hours.  I love sharing in the passion of others.  I feel tremendously blessed to be experiencing this wonderful state with some amazing people.