Best Presidential Debate Ever

[fade in from commercial. John McCain is in the middle of the squared circle.]

McCain: "My friends..."

[crowd boos slowly, X-Pac style]

McCain: "My friends! Please! I come before you tonight to speak about an issue of great importance. I'm here to talk to you about an approaching danger, and one that I am graciously offering to shield you from. That danger is Barack Obama."

[boos rise once more]

McCain: "It's true! I was captive in a prisoner of war camp for five and a half years. Five and a Half Years! That's longer than most of you have been able to put together coherent sentences, if you have gotten to that point yet. I know pain! I know the dangers that this man poses if he is elected into the most powerful office in the world. We can't afford to let someone as soft-skinned and namby-pamby as Obama dictate our foreign policy! You need someone with experience like me!"

[boos rise again, sign behind McCain says, "BY GAWD IT'S MCCAINE!"]

McCain: "I've been in Washington for decades! I can play the system better than anyone. I know your interests, quite frankly, better than you do. I won't take too much off the top, but Cindy and I...heh heh...need a few more homes. I'm sure you won't mind! Besides, Barack isn't even at the Area tonight. He-"

[Barack's entrance music starts up, crowd goes banana~]

[McCain looks around, confused, helpless. He begins yelling at his cronies @ ringside to stop the music.]

[Barack strides out on the ramp to a deafening roar of approval from the crowd.]

Obama: "Look at you, out here running your mouth when you didn't think I'd be here to respond. That's low class, George."

McCain: "But my name's John..."

Obama: "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS! As a matter of fact, it doesn't matter what you're saying, either! People know that when senile old people are talking, it's polite to nod, smile, and ignore what they are saying."

McCain: "But it does matter! I was a P.O.W. for years and it's time for me to get my dues!"

Obama: "Tell me, John...do you like pancakes?"

McCain: "Why, yes, I love pancakes..."

Obama: "Then pancake your ass back to Arizona! The only thing these people are here to see is CHANGE! And change that we can ALL believe in, not the change you're interested in depositing in your bank account after you've taken us down another four years of failed policies and kickbacks. We need-"

McCain: "Actually I-"

Obama: "Don't interrupt Barack when he's talking, jabroni! We need a changing of the guard in Washington. We need to get out of Iraq, rebuild our economy, and restore our standing in the world. Do you really think another Old White Guy(tm) is going to accomplish that?"

McCain: "Not just one old white guy! I have a tag team partner that'll help me finish you off once and for all and let me assume my rightful place as President! And here he is!"

[Lights go out briefly. When the come up, Joe Biden is in the ring behind McCain. ]

[McCain looks @ the ramp, confused by the absence of his supposed partner. The crowd is full of nostalgia for Biden and is cheering.]

[McCain finally turned around and walks right into a patented Biden clothesline. McCain's cronies scatter.]

[Biden picks up McCain's discarded microphone.]

Biden: Sorry to dissappoint, John...but your time is up! And that's the bottom line, because Joe Biden and Barack Obama said so!"

[Cue Obama and Biden's tag team music.]

Note: I actually despise the Rock as a credible wrestler. He makes a great foil, though. I refuse to do any kind of "If you smelll..." reference, although it would've fit nicely.

Blight upon Humanity

The Oatmeal Raisin Cookie is a vile creation and not fit for human consumption.

"Where is all of this venom coming from?" you may ask. I hate oatmeal raisin cookies. h8! It looks good from a distance, like a chocolate chip cookie, but when you get close...only then, THEN do you realize the evil and deceptive nature of this faux-treat!

Heaven forbid you actually bite INTO one of these confectionary travesties before realize it is, indeed, NOT chocolate chip. You will certainly rue that day.

I do not look down upon those that enjoy this cookie, as its' deception knows no bounds. They know not what they do. I, however, will continue to push for the eradication of the ORC. It serves no purpose but to decieve and disappoint!

DOWN WITH ORCS!

1978 Kawasaki KZ400

Price: $700

Needs: Needs a speedometer cable, cam gasket, headlight, tail light, blinker piece.

Other issues: Starter not working (kick start only), dies when idling. Needs a good cleaning. :)

Now I just gotta learn how to ride it.

Happiness

Happiness is a fresh chocolate-glazed donut and a coffee.

On a Saturday morning.

At Merritt's.

While playing WoW.

:D

You know...

It's like a bad joke.

We sell the Oldsmobile to my brother.

The Dodge breaks down. Alternator...in the shop till tomorrow.

!

Wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube man! WACKY WAVING INFLATABLE ARM-FLAILING TUBE MAN!
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Assault and Battery

Yesterday, Indi and I had a hanging-out-fest with Nikki (as an unwind from the tornadic few weeks that have been our estate sale/home rental). We went over to the Jonestead and watched movies, ordered some pizza (how I've missed you, Papa John's!), and made a trip up to Borders. I read a good deal of 'Wisdom of our Fathers' ... a collection of letters Tim Russert recieved after his best-selling book about his dad. I wept/filled with emotion as expected. We went back to Nikki's and left at about 12:30. Well, that's when we tried to leave.

Thetttt The car battery was dead.

We jumped the car, let it run a few minutes...and then it died when we tried to turn on the headlights.

Mega teh-suck.

Indi stayed over, Brad took me home, and I scooted on over this morning to get it resolved. For some reason, we thought Auto Integrity (best place in B.A. to fix your car!) was open on Sunday, but alas no. We knew it was either the battery or the alternator. We ventured forth to Autozone to have the battery tested.

Good news: it was a bad battery. Factory from '02. Bad news: the battery is underneath the air filter and requires the removal of a panel and access from the wheel well. Whee.

After about an hour and a half of wrestling (and some help from the Autozone guy) I get the old battery out. I also throw up due to heat exhaustion and the fact there was absolutely no shade. Due to my adverse reaction, Nikki and Indi asked (forced) me to rest and we sat inside El Chico (with water...and tea!) to regroup. After about an hour, we went back out and finished the job.

So now I'm home. Showered. The car battery light came on en route to home (At first I accidentally hooked the battery up wrong. The horn went off, lights came on, wipers went on...) so I either fried the sensor cable (it smoked) or there's still a problem. In either case, I'm indoors now. Wishing my years-ago heat stroke wasn't still affecting me getting overheated so easily.

Oh, and I may be getting a 1987 Yamaha Virago 535.