3/6/11

Acquainted

I had a conversation today about returning to the dating scene.  I've been on the fence about the subject.  On one hand, Indi and I have been separated since early November.  That's four months.  It feels like mourning a relationship that I had for seven years should work differently.  I remind myself that, in my heart, things hadn't been in a good place for six months prior to that, and from that perspective that's almost a year.  Still.  It's a hard decision to come to.

I have always been a 'Plan' guy.  I never dated anyone I couldn't see myself marrying someday.  I figured, why bother.  Waste of time and energy.  I've changed a lot since then.  I've learned not to live so rigidly and be more spontaneous.  Once things were truly over in my marriage, though, I now recognize that my mind has been wandering back into that old rut.  I have such a mix of emotions from my failed marriage and my father's death that I don't know much for sure these days.  This includes the condition of my heart.  But after thinking, I realized that this is exactly where I need to be.  My current emotional turmoil has me to where I CANNOT return to my old rut, or else I face a very sad and lonely life.

I realized I can date like other people date.  Without preconception.  Without some grand plan.  Just dating.  If it blossoms further, great.  If not, hey, whatever.  I learn about myself, and others, and begin to rebuild.

It's like I've been sitting on the title screen for a long while and someone finally pressed start.
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