I had a conversation today about returning to the dating scene. I've been on the fence about the subject. On one hand, Indi and I have been separated since early November. That's four months. It feels like mourning a relationship that I had for seven years should work differently. I remind myself that, in my heart, things hadn't been in a good place for six months prior to that, and from that perspective that's almost a year. Still. It's a hard decision to come to.
I have always been a 'Plan' guy. I never dated anyone I couldn't see myself marrying someday. I figured, why bother. Waste of time and energy. I've changed a lot since then. I've learned not to live so rigidly and be more spontaneous. Once things were truly over in my marriage, though, I now recognize that my mind has been wandering back into that old rut. I have such a mix of emotions from my failed marriage and my father's death that I don't know much for sure these days. This includes the condition of my heart. But after thinking, I realized that this is exactly where I need to be. My current emotional turmoil has me to where I CANNOT return to my old rut, or else I face a very sad and lonely life.
I realized I can date like other people date. Without preconception. Without some grand plan. Just dating. If it blossoms further, great. If not, hey, whatever. I learn about myself, and others, and begin to rebuild.
It's like I've been sitting on the title screen for a long while and someone finally pressed start.