7/19/10

Rage

Throughout the majority of my adult life, I've been known for my patience and easy-going demeanor.  I smile easily and often and am always happy to talk to my friends.  I listen when people have problems and offer advice if it is needed.  I have noticed in the last few months that I am having more moments when I lose my cool...never in front of anybody, but I lose it nonetheless.

I'll be in the car and get stuck behind a slow person.  I submit for time off and get denied due to a system error.  I get a food order that has something wrong.  A call I make doesn't get returned.  These things didn't bother me much, but for some reason now I just get angry.  I'm not talking frowny-face and grumble angry.  If I'm in the car, I yell at the top of my lungs.  I get SO IRRATIONALLY ANGRY and upset.  Sometimes I feel like crying.  What has happened to me?

I swear a lot more.  I take things personally.  I'll get sad.  Sometimes I just scream.  But never at anyone, or with anyone.  Always by myself.  It's like my fuse, which was once plentiful, has grown painfully short.  And it's not all the time.  I just get set off and feel like my entire world is collapsing.  I don't want pity, or feel like the world owes me something.  It just happens so quickly and is not a reaction I am accustomed to dealing with.
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